Industry Mums – Tania Doko

Broadcaster and mother Jane Gazzo continues her series asking women to describe their triumphs and challenges as working mothers in the Australian music industry.

Singer-songwriter Tania Doko is probably best known as the vocalist for the 90s duo Bachelor Girl who had a #4 hit with ‘Buses and Trains’ in 1998. More recently, Tania has carved a career writing songs for artists both in Australia and overseas including Tina Arena, The Veronicas, Jessica Mauboy, Sheppard, Steps and Taylor Dane.

Tania grew up in the Bayside suburbs of Melbourne with an Italian mother and Albanian father, and after a long stint living in Sweden with her husband and young son Leo, has recently returned back home.

What is your earliest musical memory?

My Italian grandparents and extended family used to sing ‘Fin Che La Barca Va’ by Orietta Berti, a famous Italian folk singer, at the top of their voices in our family home. They were dancing and laughing with absolute joy. Old Italian folk songs such as these make the heart soar. Perhaps I was four, but I remember being so entranced by how it made everyone feel so happy.

First record you bought?

John Farnham’s Whispering Jack. Pretty apt as Farnsy (along with Ross Fraser) would end up signing Bachelor Girl in 1997 to their label Gotham Records. One of the first things I blurted out to John was that as a teenager I had scrap books full of his magazine clippings. Crazy fan becomes one of his artists!

How were you raised?

Born of an Italian mother and Albanian father, I was the youngest of three girls. Luana is 14 years older than me and Gloria is 12 years older than me. By the time I came along, mum and dad had relaxed their strictness; Luana and Gloria were the test cases! Dad’s bark was meaner than his bite and mum was reasonable but firm when necessary.

What were your mother’s morals and values?

Mum was the eldest of five daughters born in war-time Italy and helped her mother bring up four other daughters from the age of eight! My grandfather had migrated to Australia five years before to pave the way for the rest of the family. She has had 22 different jobs in her life, including being a cooking teacher, seamstress, shop keeper and a milk bar owner. This diversity in itself taught us courage, a sense of adventure, the desire to make our own way in life and the importance of developing lots of life skills. Mum’s actions spoke louder than her words, so I learnt that 'doing' is ultimately very powerful and makes the real difference.

Was there a time when you and your mother didn’t see eye to eye?

Mum was pretty hell bent on me going to university before actively pursuing a music career. Once I developed some confidence, I was a fired up teenager and no one was going to stand in the way of my dreams! We got into a heated argument regarding her stance on me focusing on the 'Plan B', but ultimately I’m grateful she stood firm. The skills I gained in my psychology/criminology degree expanded my oral and literacy skills. Attending Melbourne University with some 26,000 students in the early 90s was mind-blowing and popped my Bentleigh East bubble. These lessons dovetailed beautifully into my now creative writing and my ability to engage different audiences and crowds. My youth work with at-risk kids during my long hiatus from Bachelor Girl still feeds my songwriting today.

What teachings/values/morals from your mother have you taken and/or implemented into your own family?

Mum’s work ethic is extraordinary and she is still baby sitting at 82 years of age. She also has a poise and calm temperament that I aspire to every day, but I don’t come close to her skill in that department! She was patient with my father and his Albanian patriotism and countless friends. She was also a role model for patience and I do my best to also implement that with my husband given our two different cultures; he’s Swedish! Mum could also do gardening in 35 degree heat all day!

Most embarrassing childhood family moment?

The first time I did an actual mini concert for my extended family in my lounge room. It was ‘The Greatest Love of All’ by Whitney Houston. I survived until the big money note. I stuffed it up, royally. I remember running to my bedroom to bawl my eyes out. I was inconsolable for hours.

What was your first industry job?

Metropolis Audio, South Melbourne. It was a recording studio where I did some basic admin and filing as a work experience student, tasting the behind the scenes side of the industry.

Were there any female mentors you felt you could call upon when you started out, or did you have to navigate your own path?

My Melbourne music community, particularly the young women, were positive influences on me early on in an essentially vibrant but mostly boys club of musicians. We have come a long way but we still have work to do. I’m forever grateful to the Melbourne music scene more broadly for being the best foundation for my ensuing career, and pre-pandemic, Melbourne still enjoyed the status of being one of the healthiest live music towns in the world. I believe we are all hungry to restore that place that Melbourne has been for so many of us.

Did you always know you wanted a child?

Yes! I sure am lucky Leo (my now 7-year-old) chose me!

It really was about the stars aligning at the right time and place, if such a notion exists regarding having children, and I did always have that yearning for it. I confess motherhood probably brings out the best, and worst, in me. I suppose I’m not alone living with that dichotomy. At 38, I met my ultimate Viking Swede on the other side of the planet, not long after I relocated to Sweden and wondered what the heck I had done at my 'middle aged-ness'. After all the ‘Buses and Trains’ crazy relationships prior, thankfully Daniel is the right baby daddy and partner in crime. I’m grateful, and relieved, my parents finally became grandparents too.

Did you worry about how you would make motherhood and the music industry work?

Admittedly, I foolishly put it off, as if being a mother would stifle my creativity and time. Of course sometimes this is true as I can't self-indulge as much, and it’s not always about me anymore. But with some years under my belt, I value contribution and making a difference more than sometimes what an artist career can entail outside of say, the accolades and chart success. Having less time puts the pressure on, but it can command my focus to zero-in on what I truly value like saying no to a project if it doesn’t light me up; time is a more precious commodity. As a mother in the industry, I’m so present to the fragility of both worlds. Against the COVID-19 backdrop, there’s another layer of juggle but then it highlights how lucky I have been to 'be my own boss' and realise my passions.

Was there a time when it fell apart, or felt like it was?

Probably daily! Now I’m better at noticing the feeling as just a feeling and not allowing it to define me for any length of time. Meditation helps to zoom out. Certainly when Leo was a baby, and we were living in Stockholm, the cold dark winter and being away from my inner sanctum was tough. I had to dig deep and find new ways to resolve this unchartered territory, lean into my new Nordic community and I grew as a result.

What skills have you learnt to deal with every day or occupational challenges which come your way?

The power of the breath. Pausing every morning before leaping out of bed and navigating the myriad of tasks. Reaching out to mothers in the music business where we can just 'purge' and it be okay! A little bit of whining and getting it off your chest means perspective and gratitude is available on the other side. A women’s circle I’ve been a part of for nearly 30 years is also very nourishing and a safe space to share.

Apart from Leo, what has been your proudest moment?

There’s a couple: singing the National Anthem live at the AFL 2000 Grand Final at the MCG (and nearly hurling from fear, but I got through it!), and a recent surprise, being acknowledged as a finalist at the Australian Women In Music Awards in the songwriter category.

“We’re not like other mothers” – how would you explain this quote?

Perhaps it’s the late nights gigging, the unpredictability, an 'anything is possible' attitude (you can swing on the spectrum of positive to negative mindsets/scenarios), the instability of finances and bookings incoming, the chunks of time away from family, the pull to try new creative ventures and not play it safe, the literal rock n roll edgy dress ups, your child back stage or at the mixing desk at a club watching you perform on a school night after their bedtime, meeting and performing for all sorts of audiences around the world who keep you on your toes and open minded: this all adds up to an existence (especially as a mum), that’s not exactly the 'norm'!

What do you do to take time out for yourself?

On weekends especially I’m really trying to stay horizontal in bed in the mornings. Write, meditate or listen to empowering audio books and podcasts. They have been medicine for me over the past 18 months, especially when packing up our lives in Sweden and moving to Australia, which was made doubly as hectic through a pandemic.

Obviously COVID-19 and lockdowns have affected the way we as mothers in the music industry work. We’ve had to rethink everything. What has and/or hasn’t worked for you?

The stopping and starting of gigs has been jolting to say the least. Match fitness goes out the window and then I can get worked up when an actual gig is approaching. Moving countries at the end of 2020 from Sweden due to my husband’s visa needing to be activated was also overwhelming and then having to do two weeks in quarantine was intense. Overall, my addiction to being busy is easing and I am actually relieved I now have the excuse to slow down and be more mindful.

What effects has this time had on you or Leo?

Leo is becoming even more addicted to screens, as have I! Not socialising enough with his friends in Melbourne, who he has only just connected with, has been worrying. Learning remotely with English as a second language is hard to watch and navigate as a mother. I can only take a deep breath and trust he will catch up eventually, and as we have all come to realise, our children’s self-worth is a priority right now.

What would you do differently next time?

Throw out my smart phone and buy an old Nokia phone so as to avoid the dopamine hit of social media that can be very time wasting! As much as I derive connection and networking from socials, I can certainly miss the 'little big wins' when I’m not looking up. It’s a love-hate relationship with the iPhone, that’s for sure.

What was the hardest part of lockdown?

Like most, I missed my friends and extended family. Ironically, the distancing for my extended family could’ve been a lot worse so it’s a glass half full situation. If we didn’t move back to Melbourne from Sweden in early 2021, we wouldn’t have been able to return to Australia for a visit for who knows how long. That would’ve been particularly tough on my 82-year-old mother.

Best piece of advice given to you?

Probably one of the golden nuggets is indeed from my mother: “There’s a time to spend and a time to save”.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jane Gazzo
Jane Gazzo is a broadcaster, TV presenter, music journalist and published author who began her career in radio, aged 16. Since then, she has presented nationally on Triple M and Triple J as well as BBC Radio 6 in the UK and has hosted television shows such as Recovery on ABC TV. She spent eight years as a presenter on Foxtel's Channel V, where she reported from music festivals, red carpet events and hosted live TV shows, interviewing some of the biggest and best names in the music world.

In 2018 Jane became Chair of the Australian Music Vault Advisory Group and in 2020 she hosted ABC-TV's flagship music show THE SOUND and co-founded the popular Facebook site Sound As Ever (Australia Indie 90-99).